Maze-ing Maze 332


Maze-ing Maze 332

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“I’ve always been buffeted by circumstances because I thought of myself as a human being affected by outside conditioning.  Now I realize that I am the power that commands the feeling of my mind and from which circumstances grow.”  Bruce Lee

Maze 332:  I need peace.  Before this project I wrote a daily journal.  The blog has replaced that.   The bad part of that is that is because now people visit my blog and it makes me hide my problems.  But I can’t anymore.  Life is great.  But it sucks.  Someone very close to me doesn’t want to live anymore.  And there is nothing I can do about that but feel guilty every moment I don’t call them.  Someone else very close to me was just committed.  I can’t believe what age did to them.  And yet I cannot seem to step up and let them know how I feel.  My marriage has fallen apart and all I do is screw it up more.   And I feel like my kids hate me because I push them to be the best they can be.   I’m broke as hell, and haven’t had an appetite for months.

I’ve dealt with most of this by avoiding the people who need me.  As well as drinking.  I just can’t seem to find peace.  I’ve been so angry, scared, and numb the past year that it feels like I’m actually not here.  The pain in my heart is the only thing that makes me know its real.  I just need a few minutes of peace to find myself

I’ve put so much into this art the last year I feel like it’s the only thing that can save me from myself.  I know I just have to suck it up and wait for things to pass as this is just another part of life.  It’s just hard to stay positive all the time.

I chose the quote because I know I have to change my attitude toward these problems and face them head on instead of avoiding, drinking or anything that doesn’t deal with it.

~ by mazemangriot on May 18, 2012.

16 Responses to “Maze-ing Maze 332”

  1. Listen to music. All of the time. It will change your thinking. It is the best anti-depressant.

  2. Make your self do all those things you are avoiding, what is the worst that can happen? After the year you have been through, I am sure you can handle it. And if you can’t then you can’t. It is what it is. WE are all little puzzle pieces in each others life. The guilt after people are gone is much worse that anything. There are twelve step programs everywhere. If you can’t stop drinking by yourself and you are feeling alone then get help. You are only human. Bruce Lee was, well, Bruce Lee.

    Love the maze, Mazeman!

  3. drinking and avoiding a problem does not help sold the problem,so its better to face the problem and find a solution to it. I think you are right about finding a few minutes of peace to find yourself

  4. Your mazes are wonderful, complex illustrations of the tortured path you travel. The best have a larger simplicty that balance the internal chaos. Isn’t that what you are looking for? Go through the maze and conquer it. Then step back and absorb the big picture. There are many useful perspectves for this – faith, therapy, exercise, work, family, friends, yoga. Find the right one for you and tap the serenity within.

  5. You probably already know what you should do…I can’t provide anymore ‘advices’, but I can say that somehow I feel the same way, of course our problems are different; art and blogging, driinking, had to reduce greatly, my liver isn,t keeping up with me…:), provide some way of going away from them, it does help, but is not the way to get rid of those problems…hope my words are bringing some comfort…I like your works, by the way…:)

  6. This is one of the first blogs I started following. Like the concept—we walk through a maze each day. You can only be yourself.
    Take care.

  7. Dude, just remember when you draw these mazes, you are putting a bright spot into the day of your followers. The real people out there who have the same types of problems as you; your mazes let them escape the real world for a moment.
    I can’t be the only one wishing for things to work out for you. I don’t even know your name, but you’ve become a real person.

  8. My heart goes out to you as you long for peace. Your “tough row to hoe” is very much like that of many others, who also long for some peace. All I can say is that Christ Jesus is our Peace. Jesus says to those who trust in Him, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” (John 14:27)
    Your amazing art is not the only thing that can save you, as you now imagine. Knowing God’s love for you is what can save you. And that’s no big secret. It’s proclaimed all throughout God’s word, which is not really puzzling. As you go through the maze of all that God has done, you will find a love so profound, and it’s amazingly for you.
    I’ve been enjoying your mazes for a while now, but have yet to find my way in or out of one. 🙂 Oh well.

  9. I gotta admit that I don’t like mazes. What I do like are your quotes and thoughts. As someone who has gone through some similar stuff, my advice is simple… find people who you trust and talk with them. Knowing that stuff ain’t right is an important first step.

  10. I get a lot from your daily quotes and mazes…I look forward to reading them every day. Take a moment each day…multple times through the day…to listen to your own advice and “practice what you preach” so to speak. Your life didn’t get like this overnight so it won’t get fixed overnight…take each day as a new beginning to start over. You have a great talent and determination. Keep moving forward!

  11. Dear me. I remember that feeling. It makes me sigh for you because whatever as say won’t change what you feel. I learned to briefly wallow in the feeling, scream at God once (one scream at God per incident), whine a little (one period of whining per incident), then give it to God. It doesn’t do any good if I try to shortcut the process. Even Christians must go through the stuff before we get over it. Feel. Scream. Hollar. Ask God why. Do the whole Jeramiah thing. Then give it back to God so he. Can begin the healing process. I found I did not quit withdrawing unfilled I had done this process. God be with you as you find your way.

  12. Man, I remember that feeling. I sigh for you because whatever we say can’t change. What you feel. I learnedl to let myself feel the junk, feel it, yell at God …only once per incident ….. whine a bit …only one whining session per incident. … then give it back to God to change me. It isn’t until I have gone through this process do I quit wanting to withdraw. Even Christians have to face and confront things. And we are stuck until we do. Thank God for art (I play piano) . Take courage. Blessings.

  13. Wow! Thank you! I permanently needed to write on my blog something like that. Can I include a portion of your post to my site?

  14. You are a very intelligent individual!

  15. This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!

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