Maze-ing Maze 231


 

Maze-ing Maze 231

"Always try to maintain complete tolerance and always make an effort to give people more than they expect." Scott Hamilton

Maze 231: Wow what a day.  Or past few. On Sunday my son had a game and they won and he had two goals.  I was very happy for him and his progress so far.  unfortunately we had an incident.  I congratulated one of the boys on their performance in regards to his play against the other teams best player.  He said thanks and said that he called the kid a brownie.  The player was interracial or Black.  His father was standing right by him and said nothing.  

Shocked at his statement and fathers silence I walked off to decide what to do.  I decided to wait until after Monday nights practice to see if they would apologize.  When it didn’t happen today I decided to email the team.  I’m a locker room parent and have had a few issues with cussing and what have you.  In the email I discussed the situation but left out names. 

The father responded by email to the entire team and explained that his son meant he called the player a brownie because he was good and so are brownies. And that he said nothing because he didn’t hear it and was too tired from a double shift.   Knowing kids this sounded like a quick oh shit I got caught answer.  And in my opinion so was the fathers statement that he didn’t hear it.  Regardless I thanked him for at least discussing why this comment would be offensive. 

I can honestly say that I don’t think that the kid or his father are racist.  But my son being the only Black player shouldn’t have to be exposed to these types of comments.  I was hoping that I could air it out without the player being exposed to the team but his father let everyone know.  A few of the other parents responded in complete disgust and really laid into the situation. 

As I have said in the past that I think that children 9-10 years should be accountable for their behavior.  The father mentioned that he didn’t believe that his son wasn’t old  enough to understand being PC and what have you.  I think that’s total b.s.  and feel that he’s not holding his son accountable.  Kids make fun of each other from an earlier age than 9 and 10 and definitely know what they are saying. 

The sad thing about this is that it’s just a small reminder of how society still is and something that I should prepare my sons for.  I realize that now more than in the past situations tend to be more ignorance than violence.  But in a dangerous sport like hockey things can easily get out of hand especially when names are being thrown around.   My goal is that we as a team learn from this situation.  Maybe this will help our teams families open up discussion about racism or comments of how we should treat others. 

I know that in the future I will work to put my initial reactions in check and maybe seek to clarify versus just walking off.  Because although I didn’t want to get into it with a 10-year-old and his father, clarity at the time could have cleared it up.  I don’t know just another MAZE life has thrown my way with several solutions.

~ by mazemangriot on February 7, 2012.

12 Responses to “Maze-ing Maze 231”

  1. You are right that kids are cruel. And so are adults when they do nothing to curb rotten behavior in their children. I hope your steadiness in handling the incident will be part of your son’s self esteem– what you DIDN’T do probably was as important as what you did do.

    I was the butt of a childhood put-down long ago..it was so painful. But I did grow by it– and learned that it was the smallness of the other person’s character that was lacking, and that I could weather such stuff with dignity and come out of it respected for my “cool.”

    Thanks for sharing that. You have my good and caring thoughts. s

  2. All the best to you and your son. It wasn’t a nice situation for either of you to be in. I hope he hasn’t taken the situation to heart. Some children can be cruel, but although it is easy to take their cruelty to heart – and understandable – some children also surprise us with just how resilient they can be when faced with unpleasant situations.

  3. I’m glad you emailed the Dad. Now he knows he’ll be held accountable for his words…and that even if by some random chance they have a weird saying in their family that “brownies are so good”, then perhaps they should be more aware of how what they say could be misconstrued.

    Great Maze. I can’t believe how complicated it looks! Wow!

    Blessings to your family!

  4. Wow!

    You did right by emailing after the fact. I would have don’t the same thing after pondering it for a little bit. You’re right: children need to be taught these things and it starts with the parents. The father should have checked his child on the spot. Live and learn. I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t happen again because he sees that another parent is paying attention.

    ~Erica

    Ps Great maze and quote attached to it. Great words to live by!

  5. I’ve always loved mazes, even as a child I loved playing with them.

  6. First…thanks so much for stopping by my blog.

    Second…I love the way you handled the situation at Soccer. His son may not understand PC (which I think is BS) but heard that comment or statement at home or elsewhere or else it wouldn’t be in his vocabulary to begin with.

    Third…LOVE THE BLOG. aMAZEing.

  7. I want to thank you for sharing so much of your life as well as your artwork. It is something I cherish about your blog.

    I work in higher education, principally in the “for profit” sector of higher ed, at a design and technology based school. I am also a student. I am constantly amazed by how many of the students coming straight out of highs school, or in their early 20’s have no sense of consequences. They don’t show up, don’t do their homework, sit on facebook the entire time they are in class. It is a huge problem in education period. And it is a problem for me as a student because those people are the ones that ask the most questions because they were not paying attention at all. The instructor has to go over the assignment individually with at least 3/4 people, or re teach an assignment because they thought FB was more important. These are the same students who are shocked when they are flunked out. they think because they paid they can do what you want. So the connection between actions and consequences is one of the most valuable things you can teach your children. Everyone is responsible for the success or failure of their own lives regardless of who you are or what color you are.

    Again thanks for sharing. I think you sound like a unique parent, and that your boys will someday make you proud. It is hard work to raise good kids into good adults. They sound like they are understanding that what they do is not only important but is their responsibility. Good job, Dad!

  8. BTW, the mazes have taken a little leap. more complex, tighter. I think you have hit a groove. Good job on the maze too! And I love doing the puzzles, they are not easy to put together, which makes them fun.

  9. You have a very creative and unqiue idea for your blog! It’s something I’ve never seen before, and I really like that you not only post a maze, but a few (or sometimes many) words about your life at the moment.

    It’s so sad and, honestly really annoying, that people have still not given up the racial rudeness. Where did that boy even learn that term from? And you’re right, the answer the father gave definitely smells of bullshit to me. I do belive that kids need to be held accountable for their actions. Particularly 9-10 year-olds, like you said. The “they didn’t know what they were doing” excuse doesn’t apply to this situation, or most situations with 9 and 10-year-olds. Whenever I did something wrong as a child, I was always aware of it.
    I have a 4-year-old niece who should even be held accountabe for her actions. She definitely knows when she’s doing or saying something wrong.
    I’m incredibly alarmed and disgusted that this happened to you and your son, and I think you were right in emailing the other parents about the problem. I’m glad you got support, and here’s to hoping it goes no further than this.

  10. Love this maze…
    Especially how you start at an edge (or edges; various approaches) and wind your way through all the various circles (some going “outside the box”) until you get to the core of the matter…
    Not sure if the symbolism was intended – but it works for me.
    Great job.

  11. Great maze!
    I really cannot believe how our society is still so primitive…. So stupid and unnecessary… Kids must be accounted of their behavior, they must know what is right and what is wrong and should know about the consequences of their actions, that’s the only way they’ll become nice adults and great citizens.

  12. Gorgeous blog! I agree with the comment above re: your unique mix of visual and verbiage. WELL done!

    And thanks for the like on my “Spare Me Your Surveys” post, Now that I’ve had a chance to check you out, I can see why that one appealed to you.

    You are a natural-born coach, btw. Excellent handling of issue above, IMHO. It *will* make a difference.

    I’ll be back.

    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, SCAC, MCC – (blogging at ADDandSoMuchMore and on ADDerWorld – dot com!)
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

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